Reset

How are we all doing? So many hard things are happening.

Sub-zero temperatures and a winter storm across most of the country. I may live somewhere warm now, but I clearly remember how brutal and dangerous and isolating winter can be. 

Protests and rioting and another shooting in Minneapolis. I have so much to say against all the sides right now. 

Chaos and violence and hatred in the country and around the world any time I check the news.

Dan met with seven landscapers. Some of them had pushy, "our product and services are best no matter our higher cost" personalities. I hate pushy personalities.

I had two migraine days along with stomach and back pain which kept me close to a couch or bed with a heating pad all weekend. 

There was a phone call that left me with tears and worries all weekend. I'm sad for all I've missed out on in my family, and I'm scared for hard things to come.

There was another phone call where I tried to lift and encourage Leah who did not want to be lifted or encouraged after her day off that was full of mishaps and crises instead of relaxation and prep for her coming week. 

She's not the only one having mishaps. I dropped a glass container which shattered into a million tiny pieces across the entire kitchen and living room. I thought I cleaned it up thoroughly, but today I moved the couches and found lots more pieces underneath them. This morning I tripped over a full bucket of cleaning water and the whole thing dumped everywhere. I ran for a stack of full-size towels and used all ten of them.

I feel a weariness of this new place and new people and trying to make the best of it, a weariness of unreached hopes/dreams/plans/goals, a weariness of having no idea what's next for me with only health problems right now and no hobbies or skills or job or plans or anything else to look forward to. What is my purpose now that kids are raised?? What fills the space of school and work schedules, sports and activities?

I was with friends too long yesterday morning, and it was way past lunch when I was still out and tried to do errands. I felt nauseous and hungry, but there were no low Fodmap options around me, so I ended up at Jimmy John's, just trying to eat and drink something quick to calm the nausea and hunger. But the meal made me so, so, so sick for hours. I need to plan and prepare better and always have safe food options with me. 

A few days ago I got a card from a friend I used to work with. It came at a busy moment, and I set it aside and forgot to open it until today. It was just what I needed right now, to know someone was thinking of me, appreciating me, encouraging me forward. I need to do this more often for others.

And so this week I'm resetting. Doing what I know how to do in my own little world while the rest of the world is in chaos: clean, organize, shop and cook, feed the people around me, encourage others forward in their plans and dreams, reach out to old and new friends, keep battling my health problems until they turn around, find and make moments to rest my worn out body and mind, dig deep and find some optimism for this week's gastro appointment, search for things I'm grateful for, find ways to lift and serve others, and keep going.

Weekend Update

Saturday was another migraine day. Woke up with my head pounding, stumbled around for a few hours, then went back to sleep in the afternoon. Dan took a hike by himself. By nighttime, I started to rally but then Paige also got hit with a migraine. 

Dan and I worked on our landscaping plans, etching the whole idea out in the backyard dirt so we could see the scale of it better. We've never landscaped a desert yard, and it's vastly different from what we're used to. It's a small yard, so we're trying to maximize it. We also have very different ideas that I've been trying to combine so we each get enough of what we want. Dan likes fake grass and curved lines and a place to hang his hammock and somewhere to play yard games. I like paved patios and straight lines and enough space for plants. Paige wants fruit trees. Everyone wants a fountain. We'll have a dry river spot that we'll direct gutters into for the monsoon rains. We may do a firepit table somewhere in there, some lounge chairs, and a glider to watch the sunsets. Dan started contacting landscapers to get it rolling, but we'll have to submit detailed plans to HOA for approval first which usually takes a few months. Nobody can see our backyard with walls around it, but every part still needs to be approved which is one reason why we've put it off.

Herbal teas are good for my throat and stomach, but I was digging through chaotic piles of tea boxes in our pantry every time I wanted some. I don't feel like I accomplished much in the past week, but the drinks are ORGANIZED! 

Our little free libraries all over the neighborhood never disappoint, haha. I don't actually read these kinds of books, but I have laughed at some ridiculous passages I open to and randomly pick.

As Dan and I took a walk around the neighborhood, I glanced over and was startled to see this javelina quietly watching us. They look so strange. I'll never get used to them.

Aire 2

The Food Marble Aire 2 has been very interesting. I bring it everywhere with me. I breathe into it every two hours, and I also log my symptoms and meals all day long on their app.

The scale is 0-10. My hydrogen and methane numbers are very high at times when I'm also having lots of symptoms. There are other charts on the app that show the numbers match up with my symptoms and meals. These are Thursday's numbers:

Since then, I went back to eating regular food and my numbers have stayed close to 10 all day every day. The way this device works is: the first week I eat regular food so it has baseline numbers for me. The second week I eat strict low Fodmap foods. Ideally, my numbers should be lower at that point and reflect a change in foods I'm eating.  And then for the next four weeks after that, I continue eating low Fodmap and test one category each week using the packets of inulin, sorbitol, lactose, and fructose. The results may be helpful, or they may not be helpful. Down the road as I log more information, it should show me which problematic foods to avoid. 

These are the next two books I'll be reading, searching for anything new or different to try.

Blah

Dan was sick with the achy, congested flu that's been going around -- lots of coughing and sneezing and sleeping. It was very cold and windy (50 mph winds) and unpleasant outside. We stayed inside for days, and I spent a lot of time in bed with my painful stomach and a migraine that's building but hasn't fully hit yet. My voice is hoarse again and food is starting to feel stuck again when I eat -- all signs that my throat is irritated and progress is going backwards.

Dan's finally back at work today, and I'm attacking my stomach problems with full force yet again. I ordered a breathalyzer device that can track my reaction to foods all day long. I ordered food intolerance tests that may help me further pinpoint what kinds of food to avoid. I also downloaded the Monash app to help with the low Fodmap diet and reintroduction of foods which I'm getting bored of doing, especially when it doesn't make a difference. My next gastro appointment is in two weeks. If nothing improves in a few more months, I may give up trying to heal and instead learn to accept and manage it. Until then I'm fighting again and doing everything I can to get better.

Jobs and School

Leah's back at school and has some stressful rotations that begin today. Meanwhile, Paige went to D.C. to visit her college roommate for a few days.

Paige starts another job this week, working two days a week at a museum, plus her Master's Degree begins Wednesday, and she's still working three days a week at the airplane museum where this is her daily view through the window.

Science Museum

Dan and I took Leah out to eat and to a science museum. 

I'm submitting this picture as proof that Dan's often fast-walking ahead while I'm hurrying and trying to catch up, and Leah is even farther behind. He thinks he doesn't do this as often as we tell him he does.

Leah got way up close in Dan's face to get this picture.

Pharmacy Museum

Leah and I explored a pharmacy museum. There are so many unique museums here, and I intend to visit them all.

It was all interesting, but our favorite part of the pharmacy museum was making our own medicine labels with their computer program and sticker printer.

 Leah was inappropriate with hers, haha. 

But I do think mine is beautiful medicine. I found Dr. Pepper jellybeans for my happy sunshine pills.

Desert Hike

And Now This

It will either be a year of healing or accepting, I don't know which one yet.

One night when my stomach hated me, I changed into soft stretchy pants, looked in the mirror, and instantly thought of Vector from Despicable Me.